Nothing can separate His love for us.

Every day is full of surprises. Whether it's surprises about who others are, or who you are. And this mystery in not knowing what could happen today or tomorrow is something I am in awe of and quite frankly, scared of.

I've learned something this past weekend. To never be so sure and full of yourself. To humble yourself in knowing that YOU ARE HUMAN. Christian, Atheist, Gay, Straight, you're no better than anyone else. Why? Because we are all human and we ALL fall short of the Lord and we need His saving grace more than we can even fathom. And so I see how much of God I need daily. How helpless I am without him. How any good in me is because of Him.

Now, I'm not going to go into detail and I apologize for being vague to those who are reading this because more than being worried of being judged, I don't think it's necessary. But I will say this. I will take the most out of any situation because of one reason and that reason alone. I know that whatever I do or did, whatever mess I'm in, He loves me through all of it. And NOTHING, absolutely nothing will take that away from me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

"For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:28-39

I also learned how hurt I still was because of someone who's taken a great hold of my life. A good thing about trial, is that it gives light to what's really going on in our hearts. I guess that's why some people call it a "moment of truth." We're able to see our first reaction, our first thoughts, where our heart is at. And sure enough, one of mine was in the exact same place, with that friend from my past. Thinking first about what he would think. Ridiculously using him as a scapegoat for why I am even in this current trial to begin with. How the root of all this is because I felt so unloved, abandoned and hurt by him. But that isn't what God is trying to show me through this. That isn't even the truth. He's showing me that I'm still not depending on Him to provide me with affection, love and self-worth.

I thought it was getting better, but I guess I was just throwing everything under a rug. Surpressing my hurt. I didn't give enough time to say, "I hate you for hurting me so much" and "Enough is enough. 5 years is enough for you to take hold of my heart. It's time to give it to God 100% because He is the only one who deserves it" and "It's time I love the Lord my God with all my heart and quite frankly, love myself."

My friend said that we're all human, so we're always a work in progress. So, really all we can ask for is to learn and grow from it. So, it's up to me to take what I need to from any situation, no matter how big, how discouraging, how unbelievable, and learn from it. I couldn't agree more.

Lord, you truly are the only healer in this world. Without your amazing grace and love, I wouldn't have the strength to love myself or others. And I can't imagine a world without love. You teach me through anything, through my biggest mistakes even, how much you love me. Who does that? Only you. Even though I break your heart continually, you give me strength, you wash away my fears and hopelessness, you not only love me the same, you seek after me to show me this, even though I don't deserve it at all...

Thank you.
I love you.
I want to love you more.
Help me Lord to love you the way you love me.
And help me to love me the way you love me.

He knows my name
By Geoff Moore

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in His hands

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He’ll never leave me
No matter where I go

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call