Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I had a dream...
A few days ago, on a Saturday night (June 5), I had a dream. A dream that didn't feel like any of my typical dreams, that is, in the seldom cases I actually remember. It was cohesive, with a beginning and an end. No jumping around and sporadic tendencies. No, it was clear as can be. And to be quite frank, terrifying. It seemed more like a vision than a dream and so I share it with you...
I was walking the streets of a setting that seemed to be familiar. I had a good feeling it was New York City. I believe I was walking with a few people--perhaps members of my small group, jackpot--and all of a sudden a woman with the face of death approaches me and grabs my arm. She calls out my name and then proceeds to mutter in a language I cannot understand if my life depended on it. She sounds (and looks) crazy.
So I throw my arms to let go of her grasp, not too phased, knowing that New York City is full of crazies. But for some reason, at this point, she doesn't look like she merely lost her mind. It seems as though something has taken over her entire body. Her eyes seem empty, soulless. Just a skeleton, walking towards me, mumbling words that now seem demonic.
My heart is now beginning to beat at a rapid pace and as if that wasn't enough, I now see that there is a little girl to the left of her. With the same soulless eyes, piercing through mine. She has what seems to look like some sort of white powder spattered across her face. And she's silent. The woman next to her keeps mumbling. But now the mumbling seems to carry a quiet undertone of a cry for help, a cry to be saved. They both walk towards me as I am stumbling backwards, terrified. Not knowing what to do, I reach and grab the person closest to me and pull her in front. She happens to be my friend Julia. (Can I just pause here and just say how RELIEVED I was to have had her in my dream to come to my rescue. Thanks girl!)
In fear, I plead to her for us to run away, but she ignores my plead and stands still. As I plead again and again, trying to pull her away, she resists and stands firm. I have no idea why she's not listening to me or what it is that she's doing as they are approaching closer and closer to us. And all of a sudden the truth hits me (a truth that had already hit Julia moments before).
At the exact same time she stops resisting, I too stop pulling. It was then I realized that the love of Christ was at work. And as Julia and I stand firm, now praying in unison to our God for their rescue, the power and love of Christ shines through us into their soulless bodies, causing the woman to strike down to the ground. The girl remains standing. Julia is in tears of awe and surrender to our God and we both fall on our knees to worship the one who is worthy. The one who comes to love and save all who desperately need it. Jesus Christ <3
Pretty intense huh? Definitely an awesome ending though I must say! Now you can imagine, I awake from this dream at 4 AM, wondering what that was all about, too shaken up to go back to sleep. Now, I've had some time to think about it and examine what it is that I think God is trying to tell me through this powerful dream. The sermon the next day seemed to help in making sense of some of this...and as every day goes by, little things have popped up and have helped in unveiling and clarifying this more and more, but I am still trying to make full sense of it, being careful not to over-spiritualize. But here's what I think so far...
(to be continued...sorry will update in a bit as it is getting pretty darn late. please check back).
I was walking the streets of a setting that seemed to be familiar. I had a good feeling it was New York City. I believe I was walking with a few people--perhaps members of my small group, jackpot--and all of a sudden a woman with the face of death approaches me and grabs my arm. She calls out my name and then proceeds to mutter in a language I cannot understand if my life depended on it. She sounds (and looks) crazy.
So I throw my arms to let go of her grasp, not too phased, knowing that New York City is full of crazies. But for some reason, at this point, she doesn't look like she merely lost her mind. It seems as though something has taken over her entire body. Her eyes seem empty, soulless. Just a skeleton, walking towards me, mumbling words that now seem demonic.
My heart is now beginning to beat at a rapid pace and as if that wasn't enough, I now see that there is a little girl to the left of her. With the same soulless eyes, piercing through mine. She has what seems to look like some sort of white powder spattered across her face. And she's silent. The woman next to her keeps mumbling. But now the mumbling seems to carry a quiet undertone of a cry for help, a cry to be saved. They both walk towards me as I am stumbling backwards, terrified. Not knowing what to do, I reach and grab the person closest to me and pull her in front. She happens to be my friend Julia. (Can I just pause here and just say how RELIEVED I was to have had her in my dream to come to my rescue. Thanks girl!)
In fear, I plead to her for us to run away, but she ignores my plead and stands still. As I plead again and again, trying to pull her away, she resists and stands firm. I have no idea why she's not listening to me or what it is that she's doing as they are approaching closer and closer to us. And all of a sudden the truth hits me (a truth that had already hit Julia moments before).
At the exact same time she stops resisting, I too stop pulling. It was then I realized that the love of Christ was at work. And as Julia and I stand firm, now praying in unison to our God for their rescue, the power and love of Christ shines through us into their soulless bodies, causing the woman to strike down to the ground. The girl remains standing. Julia is in tears of awe and surrender to our God and we both fall on our knees to worship the one who is worthy. The one who comes to love and save all who desperately need it. Jesus Christ <3
Pretty intense huh? Definitely an awesome ending though I must say! Now you can imagine, I awake from this dream at 4 AM, wondering what that was all about, too shaken up to go back to sleep. Now, I've had some time to think about it and examine what it is that I think God is trying to tell me through this powerful dream. The sermon the next day seemed to help in making sense of some of this...and as every day goes by, little things have popped up and have helped in unveiling and clarifying this more and more, but I am still trying to make full sense of it, being careful not to over-spiritualize. But here's what I think so far...
(to be continued...sorry will update in a bit as it is getting pretty darn late. please check back).
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Stop and hear the music.
A story I was first introduced to this past Christmas break when I was in Vancouver resonates in my heart again at this hour. I'd like to share it with you all:
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the case and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. He was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head to catch a glimpse of the violinist. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 7 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 27 out of 1,097 passing travelers gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most world-renowned violinist in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Like the passing people in the metro station who were too busy to stop and appreciate the beauty of Joshua Bell's intricate, renowned music, so too are we always too busy to stop and be in awe of the beauty of Christ Jesus.
God shows us his love and his beauty in so many different ways, at so many different times through people or through nature. But how many times do we really see this? How many times do we actually stop to notice what He has so intentionally placed here on earth for us to see and enjoy. His gifts of love are sadly ignored in most cases.
We miss it all the time. We're too busy. Too preoccupied. With what? What really are we more interested in and captivated by? How did we become so unaware and desensitized to such true beauty? Or why do we allow ourselves to be so easily distracted and led astray by other things in our life--good or bad? Why do we always let our enemy win?
This story shows a child stopping to appreciate the music played by Joshua Bell. How pure the child's heart is to simply take in the beauty for what it's worth. God calls us to have childlike hearts like this--straightforward and trusting with a sense of wonder. That we may see His beauty. His truth. His love <3
"People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." -Mark 10:13-16
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the case and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. He was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head to catch a glimpse of the violinist. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 7 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 27 out of 1,097 passing travelers gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most world-renowned violinist in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: In a banal setting at an inconvenient time, would beauty transcend? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Like the passing people in the metro station who were too busy to stop and appreciate the beauty of Joshua Bell's intricate, renowned music, so too are we always too busy to stop and be in awe of the beauty of Christ Jesus.
God shows us his love and his beauty in so many different ways, at so many different times through people or through nature. But how many times do we really see this? How many times do we actually stop to notice what He has so intentionally placed here on earth for us to see and enjoy. His gifts of love are sadly ignored in most cases.
We miss it all the time. We're too busy. Too preoccupied. With what? What really are we more interested in and captivated by? How did we become so unaware and desensitized to such true beauty? Or why do we allow ourselves to be so easily distracted and led astray by other things in our life--good or bad? Why do we always let our enemy win?
This story shows a child stopping to appreciate the music played by Joshua Bell. How pure the child's heart is to simply take in the beauty for what it's worth. God calls us to have childlike hearts like this--straightforward and trusting with a sense of wonder. That we may see His beauty. His truth. His love <3
"People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." -Mark 10:13-16
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Finding my destiny IN HIM...
Oh how easy and natural it is to drift away from our God...
Last night at small group made me realize how far I've been drifting away from God, causing me to lose hope and faith within only a couple of days!!! How incredibly dangerous it is as humans, to always be borderline close to a cliff where you can fall off and keep sliding in a downward spiral because it only feels natural, familiar...
As Christians, we need to constantly be praying and reading His word, or we go right back to being so far from Him, alone and desolate. And even though we are dying inside--whether we know it or not--sadly, we get use to it. We get so use to it, so numb that we don't even remember how great it was when we had an intimate relationship with Him. We forget the essence of who He really is. How faithful He was. His power and goodness.
The first week I was out of a job was surprisingly amazing: Consistent quiet time with the Lord, intense prayer sessions, productive job hunting/interviewing, faith that calmed my fears, worries and anxiousness both in the morning and evening. It was time for me and God. God and me <3.
I don't know what the Lord has planned for me, but what became apparent these last few days was that I was still not letting go of certain desires and was secretly wanting and hoping that His plans would align with mine, not the other way around. AND THAT was something He wouldn't allow, hence doors not being open. He was trying to show me how little faith I had in His plans--which for now I guess is building depth in my character before anything else. So that I can sow my seeds on good soil, deep soil that will bear much fruit. To speak in parables, I was sowing my seeds on rocky ground, where there was not much soil, not enough depth that they immediately sprang up. No wonder I couldn't endure for long before my true colors were being shown and I fell away. My true colors being that the root of my heart was still filled with selfish desires that exceeded my faith in His divine plan for me. Through all this, the Lord my God was trying to reveal something to me.
One of our sg member's mom (who is such an amazing woman of God) shared yesterday about four steps in our walks as daughters/sons of Christ:
1. Salvation (It doesn't stop here)
2. Discipleship (Building up to be disciples of Him)
3. Warfare (Being equipped and ready for all the battles that will come our way to break and destroy and rob us of our joy)
4. Convergence (To ultimately find our destiny IN HIM)
In context to this, I was trying to skip steps 2 and 3 to get into step 4 to find my destiny and God was telling me to hold back saying, "Julia, I need to build you up more in character, in strength, in knowledge, in faith, so that you can be ready to stand firm against anything before we find what it is you can do for me, for my kingdom." And of course, me being impatient couldn't really hear that, probably because I didn't really want to.
The funny thing is, I always thought, "I may not be the most obedient or disciplined child, but I sure have faith." If I had nothing, at least I had faith. But He is showing me contrary to my contrived belief, how little faith I in fact have. And how much faith I put in my own understanding, my own reasoning, my own desires, and my own plans.
And above all, He is showing me how much faith is in fact NEEDED to be His disciples.
I further examined my heart when I was so discouraged about not getting a certain job or when I saw the most PERFECT job for me but felt so distant from obtaining it. Why did it mean so much to me? Why was I so discouraged by not getting what I wanted? What were these plans of mine that I was trying to make happen, with or without God?
The answer was quite simple. I wanted to live like the rest of the world! To live a relatively comfortable life. Living out my passion, my dream in book publishing. Hopefully find a husband who has his own dream and passion both for his worldly career and for God of course.
Have some children. Teach them the same things. And somehow fit God into that wonderful equation I had made because it didn't seem like a bad idea. God was in it wasn't he? Nonetheless, it was MY idea.
I didn't believe nor give Him enough credit that His plans were FAR greater than this. Maybe I was scared? Or maybe I just simply didn't believe that He made me for a greater purpose. That He had something much more fruitful in mind. Perhaps I reasoned in my head, "Why would I live a life any different from my coworkers? friends? or even family?" I dismissed His plans, His authority and His promises that He would finish what He had started in me.
That I'm not merely some graphic designer living in this world, living pay check to pay check, going to church on Sundays, small group on Fridays and hanging out with friends and consuming the things of this world whenever she finds the time. But that I am a daughter of Christ who is so loved and sought after. Who from even before she was conceived had a divine purpose coming into this world. A daughter who is part of a grand story that started more than 2000 years ago and who now has the authority and power in her that is as great as Jesus Christ himself, to live an abundant life worthy of His calling. A beloved daughter who is constantly being molded to be like her father in heaven, who will fix her eyes on Him and follow Him wherever He goes and wherever He wants her to go.
Last night at small group made me realize how far I've been drifting away from God, causing me to lose hope and faith within only a couple of days!!! How incredibly dangerous it is as humans, to always be borderline close to a cliff where you can fall off and keep sliding in a downward spiral because it only feels natural, familiar...
As Christians, we need to constantly be praying and reading His word, or we go right back to being so far from Him, alone and desolate. And even though we are dying inside--whether we know it or not--sadly, we get use to it. We get so use to it, so numb that we don't even remember how great it was when we had an intimate relationship with Him. We forget the essence of who He really is. How faithful He was. His power and goodness.
The first week I was out of a job was surprisingly amazing: Consistent quiet time with the Lord, intense prayer sessions, productive job hunting/interviewing, faith that calmed my fears, worries and anxiousness both in the morning and evening. It was time for me and God. God and me <3.
I don't know what the Lord has planned for me, but what became apparent these last few days was that I was still not letting go of certain desires and was secretly wanting and hoping that His plans would align with mine, not the other way around. AND THAT was something He wouldn't allow, hence doors not being open. He was trying to show me how little faith I had in His plans--which for now I guess is building depth in my character before anything else. So that I can sow my seeds on good soil, deep soil that will bear much fruit. To speak in parables, I was sowing my seeds on rocky ground, where there was not much soil, not enough depth that they immediately sprang up. No wonder I couldn't endure for long before my true colors were being shown and I fell away. My true colors being that the root of my heart was still filled with selfish desires that exceeded my faith in His divine plan for me. Through all this, the Lord my God was trying to reveal something to me.
One of our sg member's mom (who is such an amazing woman of God) shared yesterday about four steps in our walks as daughters/sons of Christ:
1. Salvation (It doesn't stop here)
2. Discipleship (Building up to be disciples of Him)
3. Warfare (Being equipped and ready for all the battles that will come our way to break and destroy and rob us of our joy)
4. Convergence (To ultimately find our destiny IN HIM)
In context to this, I was trying to skip steps 2 and 3 to get into step 4 to find my destiny and God was telling me to hold back saying, "Julia, I need to build you up more in character, in strength, in knowledge, in faith, so that you can be ready to stand firm against anything before we find what it is you can do for me, for my kingdom." And of course, me being impatient couldn't really hear that, probably because I didn't really want to.
The funny thing is, I always thought, "I may not be the most obedient or disciplined child, but I sure have faith." If I had nothing, at least I had faith. But He is showing me contrary to my contrived belief, how little faith I in fact have. And how much faith I put in my own understanding, my own reasoning, my own desires, and my own plans.
And above all, He is showing me how much faith is in fact NEEDED to be His disciples.
I further examined my heart when I was so discouraged about not getting a certain job or when I saw the most PERFECT job for me but felt so distant from obtaining it. Why did it mean so much to me? Why was I so discouraged by not getting what I wanted? What were these plans of mine that I was trying to make happen, with or without God?
The answer was quite simple. I wanted to live like the rest of the world! To live a relatively comfortable life. Living out my passion, my dream in book publishing. Hopefully find a husband who has his own dream and passion both for his worldly career and for God of course.
Have some children. Teach them the same things. And somehow fit God into that wonderful equation I had made because it didn't seem like a bad idea. God was in it wasn't he? Nonetheless, it was MY idea.
I didn't believe nor give Him enough credit that His plans were FAR greater than this. Maybe I was scared? Or maybe I just simply didn't believe that He made me for a greater purpose. That He had something much more fruitful in mind. Perhaps I reasoned in my head, "Why would I live a life any different from my coworkers? friends? or even family?" I dismissed His plans, His authority and His promises that He would finish what He had started in me.
That I'm not merely some graphic designer living in this world, living pay check to pay check, going to church on Sundays, small group on Fridays and hanging out with friends and consuming the things of this world whenever she finds the time. But that I am a daughter of Christ who is so loved and sought after. Who from even before she was conceived had a divine purpose coming into this world. A daughter who is part of a grand story that started more than 2000 years ago and who now has the authority and power in her that is as great as Jesus Christ himself, to live an abundant life worthy of His calling. A beloved daughter who is constantly being molded to be like her father in heaven, who will fix her eyes on Him and follow Him wherever He goes and wherever He wants her to go.
Friday, January 15, 2010
2010 here we come :)
Goodbye 2009. Hello 2010.
I know this post may seem a little lagged, (it being the middle of January already) but what can I say? I'm a slow learner and I still had things to learn and process...
When asked if I was happy that 2009 was finally over, my answer was yes and no. "Yes," because it was a difficult year--in so many ways. Sigh. Looking back, I faced quite a few big trials emotionally, financially, spiritually. But at the same time, "No" because if it weren't for those trials, would I have learned so much? About myself and about His heart?
In just one year, I learned about humility, letting go, limitations, loving enemies, forgiving self and others and praying for those you don't personally know or frankly care much about. I learned how to really cling on to His faithfulness, even though the present circumstance didn't look too promising. I learned how much faith I in fact did not have and how badly He wanted me to believe. I learned and am still learning that my God is ALWAYS on time and is serious about finishing what He has started--the molding of our character, of course.
And to add to all these invaluable lessons of 2009, I also learned that I've been way too busy doing my own thing and stressing over such minuscule issues, when so many times, all He wanted was for me to just take a step back, be still and actually see His beauty, His love and devotion for me. All thanks to my wonderful redeemer who always makes beauty out of ashes.
Through it all, I met and/or grew closer to dear people. My amazing small groups: 180 and JACKPOT and my friends both here in New York and in Vancouver who are like family to me. Thank you God for, well everything <3
“We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”
-Romans 8:22-25
Being careful not to let the groaning drown the hoping in 2010,
Julia
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Because you love me the way that you do...
I am blessed, and more than anything, humbled by the love I receive from my friends and family, and ultimately my father in heaven, especially when I am so undeserving of it. Tonight is a good example.
Coming home at night to homemade halloween cupcakes with a note from my roomie and a mailed card from my sister in pittsburgh melted my heart. Although my love for both my sister--who is one of my closest and deepest figures in my life--and my roommate--who is one of many acquaintances in my life--are both immensely deficient, I still receive undeserving love. It is interesting how my lack of love across such a wide spectrum of relationships in my life does not get in the way of me receiving love. Thus, I am left humbled and without words.
When Virgil said "Love conquers all" or when Paul said "Love never fails," I think they simply but brilliantly captured this profound essence of LOVE that leaves me in awe. I can't help but believe that LOVE is declared as the greatest commandement because it is the essence of our being, made in the image of our God who is love. Love prevails, even against all odds because it is the why and how of our mere existence.
A Mother Teresa quote comes to mind:
"We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love."
I am filled with hope and comfort, knowing that I am a child of a God who is love. That I am in the palm of the hands of such a loving, beautiful maker who created me from love and for the purpose of love. And that no opposing forces whether it's Satan or the dark world I live in, or even my own sinful nature itself, can separate me from this invincible love. This gives me the strength to endure and persevere in the midst of hardships, weariness and hopelessness we inevitably feel time to time, living in this sinful world.
I want to end with sharing this song. Thanks to Julia Lee for sharing it with me first so I can share it with you :) The lyrics resonate in my heart. But just because you love me the way that you do, I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.
If you want me to...
Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Coming home at night to homemade halloween cupcakes with a note from my roomie and a mailed card from my sister in pittsburgh melted my heart. Although my love for both my sister--who is one of my closest and deepest figures in my life--and my roommate--who is one of many acquaintances in my life--are both immensely deficient, I still receive undeserving love. It is interesting how my lack of love across such a wide spectrum of relationships in my life does not get in the way of me receiving love. Thus, I am left humbled and without words.
When Virgil said "Love conquers all" or when Paul said "Love never fails," I think they simply but brilliantly captured this profound essence of LOVE that leaves me in awe. I can't help but believe that LOVE is declared as the greatest commandement because it is the essence of our being, made in the image of our God who is love. Love prevails, even against all odds because it is the why and how of our mere existence.
A Mother Teresa quote comes to mind:
"We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love."
I am filled with hope and comfort, knowing that I am a child of a God who is love. That I am in the palm of the hands of such a loving, beautiful maker who created me from love and for the purpose of love. And that no opposing forces whether it's Satan or the dark world I live in, or even my own sinful nature itself, can separate me from this invincible love. This gives me the strength to endure and persevere in the midst of hardships, weariness and hopelessness we inevitably feel time to time, living in this sinful world.
I want to end with sharing this song. Thanks to Julia Lee for sharing it with me first so I can share it with you :) The lyrics resonate in my heart. But just because you love me the way that you do, I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.
If you want me to...
Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Teaching me to love like jesus <3
I guess it's a worthy occasion to write on your blog when you believe you are going through a milestone in your life. Allow me to elaborate :) Let me start off with a little background on my relationship with my heavenly father.
As a Christian who was born into a church-going "Christian" family, God has been walking with me through 26 years of my life and I think He's always been trying to talk to me and guide me, but I've managed to ignore Him most of my life.
SO inevitably, He's watched me make mistakes, sometimes the same mistakes over and over again (even after repenting). Through all this disobedience and selfishness, He simply stood there beside me, comforting me even though I didn't deserve it at all. He was faithful.
I think I've definitely been spoiled in our relationship. Or in any relationship for that matter. I've always gotten what I wanted. And if I didn't want to do something, I didn't, without hesitation.
God is a patient God. At age 26, He is teaching me how to put Him first before me. His desires before mine. His will and plans before mine. He's teaching me to let go of the steering wheel and to trust that He knows what He's doing. That He knows what I NEED, not what I may necessarily want.
He's teaching me to love the unlovable. To love my enemies. Those who mistreat, curse, take advantage of and hate me. He's teaching me how to love the sinful world and its people the way He did and still does today.
After a few months of an emotional battle, being in darkness, filled with hatred, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness, God gives me an answer. And so the conversation goes:
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Me: But WHY God? Why in the world would I love someone who doesn't deserve to be loved? Someone who curses me, intentionally tries to hurt me? Why should I love such a selfish, despicable human being?
God: Because I did. Because I loved such sinful people who cursed me, betrayed me, hated me, yourself included. Loved you so much I sent my only son to cover your sins. All of it. Is it because you deserved it? Because you were less of a despicable human being?
Me: ...
..........Well, less than him I'm sure!
God: Wrong. You are all the same in my eyes. All who need to be saved. There is no good in you without my saving grace and love. No good whatsoever.
Me: ...So you want me to stay? I don't want to God. I can't. You always give people as much as they can handle and I've reached it. Trust me.
God: Why don't you trust me? Through staying, I will teach you how to love those who don't deserve it, and through this, I will show you more of what Jesus experienced. SO you can get a better understanding of your Lord and the depth and breadth of the cross.
Me: ...Is this really what you want God? Doing something that seems impossible for me at this moment, risking my happiness and well-being? I'm too weak and weary.
God: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, boast all the more gladly of your weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon you. For the sake of Christ, then, be content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when you are weak, then you are strong.
Julia, I am walking with you, holding your hand. I know you can't do it alone and that it seems impossible. That's why I'm going with you.
Me: I really hope so. Because all this will be pointless if you're not there and if I'm trying to do it alone. It'll just be pure torture because I know without a doubt I will fail. So then God, what if I'm just over-prophesying? When we both know I have little faith as of now.
God: I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me. I think I've given you enough for you to discern, to follow me and obey me.
Me: ...God I don't want to, I'll be honest. Nothing in my flesh wants to do something so selfless. I really want to ignore all this and do what I feel most comfortable with, but I know, because you've told us, that living a life as your servant is not going to be comfortable to say the least. I'm going to back out when I find the slightest opportunity, so please help me to remain faithful. Keep me grounded in you Lord. You win. I'll obey. For the first time.
This is to sum up our conversations in the span of several days when I asked God to clearly give me an answer as to whether to quit my job or not. Because for various reasons, I hated my boss. And he hated me.
Through these conversations with God, I cried, I prayed, I threw hissy fits like a complete child. Through all this, he answered my prayers. Even though I didn't have complete faith that he would.
But it's ok. I've learned you don't need to have complete faith for God to work in your life. Because He is completely faithful. He is the everlasting God who does not faint and never grows weary. He listens to His childrens' cries and His love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. His love never fails.
Thank you Lord.
As a Christian who was born into a church-going "Christian" family, God has been walking with me through 26 years of my life and I think He's always been trying to talk to me and guide me, but I've managed to ignore Him most of my life.
SO inevitably, He's watched me make mistakes, sometimes the same mistakes over and over again (even after repenting). Through all this disobedience and selfishness, He simply stood there beside me, comforting me even though I didn't deserve it at all. He was faithful.
I think I've definitely been spoiled in our relationship. Or in any relationship for that matter. I've always gotten what I wanted. And if I didn't want to do something, I didn't, without hesitation.
God is a patient God. At age 26, He is teaching me how to put Him first before me. His desires before mine. His will and plans before mine. He's teaching me to let go of the steering wheel and to trust that He knows what He's doing. That He knows what I NEED, not what I may necessarily want.
He's teaching me to love the unlovable. To love my enemies. Those who mistreat, curse, take advantage of and hate me. He's teaching me how to love the sinful world and its people the way He did and still does today.
After a few months of an emotional battle, being in darkness, filled with hatred, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness, God gives me an answer. And so the conversation goes:
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Me: But WHY God? Why in the world would I love someone who doesn't deserve to be loved? Someone who curses me, intentionally tries to hurt me? Why should I love such a selfish, despicable human being?
God: Because I did. Because I loved such sinful people who cursed me, betrayed me, hated me, yourself included. Loved you so much I sent my only son to cover your sins. All of it. Is it because you deserved it? Because you were less of a despicable human being?
Me: ...
..........Well, less than him I'm sure!
God: Wrong. You are all the same in my eyes. All who need to be saved. There is no good in you without my saving grace and love. No good whatsoever.
Me: ...So you want me to stay? I don't want to God. I can't. You always give people as much as they can handle and I've reached it. Trust me.
God: Why don't you trust me? Through staying, I will teach you how to love those who don't deserve it, and through this, I will show you more of what Jesus experienced. SO you can get a better understanding of your Lord and the depth and breadth of the cross.
Me: ...Is this really what you want God? Doing something that seems impossible for me at this moment, risking my happiness and well-being? I'm too weak and weary.
God: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, boast all the more gladly of your weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon you. For the sake of Christ, then, be content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when you are weak, then you are strong.
Julia, I am walking with you, holding your hand. I know you can't do it alone and that it seems impossible. That's why I'm going with you.
Me: I really hope so. Because all this will be pointless if you're not there and if I'm trying to do it alone. It'll just be pure torture because I know without a doubt I will fail. So then God, what if I'm just over-prophesying? When we both know I have little faith as of now.
God: I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me. I think I've given you enough for you to discern, to follow me and obey me.
Me: ...God I don't want to, I'll be honest. Nothing in my flesh wants to do something so selfless. I really want to ignore all this and do what I feel most comfortable with, but I know, because you've told us, that living a life as your servant is not going to be comfortable to say the least. I'm going to back out when I find the slightest opportunity, so please help me to remain faithful. Keep me grounded in you Lord. You win. I'll obey. For the first time.
This is to sum up our conversations in the span of several days when I asked God to clearly give me an answer as to whether to quit my job or not. Because for various reasons, I hated my boss. And he hated me.
Through these conversations with God, I cried, I prayed, I threw hissy fits like a complete child. Through all this, he answered my prayers. Even though I didn't have complete faith that he would.
But it's ok. I've learned you don't need to have complete faith for God to work in your life. Because He is completely faithful. He is the everlasting God who does not faint and never grows weary. He listens to His childrens' cries and His love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. His love never fails.
Thank you Lord.
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